No matter how old we are, no matter how much experience we have had with death, it is sudden death that some people feel hits us the hardest. During my 43 years in the rabbinate, I have sat with too many families who had to deal with the sudden death of a spouse or child, a friend or acquaintance. The initial response is usually that it defies belief—“that can’t be true!” A secondary response that is common is regret—“I didn’t …
Tag: comfort
One of the questions I am asked the most by Christians is whether or not Jews believe in Heaven and Hell. I tell them that Jewish tradition believes in life after death, but does not really use the words “heaven” and “hell” these days to describe places of reward and punishment. Instead, the phrase “The World-To-Come” (“Ha Olam HaBa”) in Hebrew is the one that appears most frequently. One of the questions I am asked most by Jews, too, is …
I think this may be a story of control submitting to grace. But first some background. For six years now, my synagogue, Beacon Hebrew Alliance in Beacon, NY, has built a sukkah in a public park on Main Street. Each year there’s a different theme, with programming reflecting that theme. This year, for a variety of reasons, the sukkah almost didn’t get built. But as Sukkot approached, the loss seemed too great, and we rallied to get it done, this …
Now that we have passed the annual Selichot service, and we are about to enter into the days of awe, it is again time to pause and take stock, review where Expired and Inspired has been, where it is, and where it is going. It is appropriate – Elul is a time of introspection, retrospection, and prospection. Expired and Inspired began as a concept in early 2014 as a way to share some of the experiences, thoughts, emotions, and …
I have written a lot of condolence notes. It’s not because I have known a lot of people who died, or because the people who died had very large families. Rather, it is because I was on the board of my synagogue for seven years, and one of the things our board members do is we write letters to the family of members of the congregation who died. So, I have some experience writing condolence notes about people I may …
The call came from a woman I liked and had learned from: would I consider participating in a Taharah – a what? Someone had died and she was spearheading a new initiative to offer the traditional Jewish ceremony of purification. I was hesitant but open, and after more conversation decided I would give it a try. I felt unsure – what would it be like to cleanse a dead body? Would there be a smell? Could I handle it or …
This is a description that I wrote shortly after I had my first experience of shmirah, guarding or watching over someone who has died. The Jewish tradition is not to leave a person alone from the time of their death until the time of their burial. A shomer (male) or shomeret (female) is the person who stays with the dead person during this time. I was asked as a member of the Chevrah Kadisha to serve this role for a person in the community who had died. …
People say to me, “I don’t understand how you do your job,” or,”What’s it like to be surrounded by death all the time? Isn’t it depressing?” It’s not depressing, but it can be sad. Those of us behind the scenes, the Shomrimwho sit vigil with our loved ones, the members of the Chevrah Kadisha who reverently wash, purify and dress our loved ones..we feel the sadness. We notice when families have one loss after another. We see the connections and …